


Drowning In The Night

by Polarnacht



Series: Black To Blue [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood Drinking, Canon Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Falling In Love, Frotting, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Oral Sex, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Smut, Vampire Bites, Vampire Turning, staying in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25841995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Jace stays. But falling in love is one thing, being in a relationship another. Especially when your relationship is shaped by the harsh reality of the Shadow World. Warlocks live forever and Shadowhunters die young. While both Magnus and Jace try to navigate their path between dying and living, Alec is busy with keeping their group together, their world safe - and with falling in love himself.A story about falling in love, staying in love, friendship & Parabatai.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Jace Wayland, Simon Lewis/Alec Lightwood
Series: Black To Blue [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862467
Comments: 18
Kudos: 60
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "The Nice In Nice Try", the story where Jace and Magnus meet pre-canon and fall in love. Magnus asks Jace to stay, and he does.  
> The sequel can definitely be read as a stand alone. 
> 
> Part two of the "Black To Blue" series. 
> 
> This story contains canon elements/incidents, but I twisted them and I also didn't follow the canon timeline.
> 
> A huge thank you to Jessa for betaing 💙💙💙

Jace stayed. He stayed the night, but more importantly, he also stayed the day. And the one after that. It was still new and fragile to both of them, something that could easily break if you put too much pressure on it. Or too little. Accepting that they were more than just a casual affair came not natural to them. Their guards were down, but both had sometimes the urge to build them up again in an instant. Both fought that feeling, both used to fight more than anything else.

Magnus really hadn’t planned to let Jace in like that when he had first seen him in Pandemonium, dancing away the night wearing a too tight shirt and a too cocky grin. But it had happened, even Magnus could kid himself just so much. He had asked Jace to stay and the Shadowhunter had. With a grin that showed his confidence and a smile that reflected his vulnerability.

When Jace lay next to him, splayed over the entire bed like a starfish or snuggled up to his side, Magnus was happy. He heard Jace’s soft breathing, he heard the low whispers and moans that sometimes spilled out of his mouth while sleeping and he felt the terror when Jace’s mind took him back to his childhood in one of his nightmares. He also felt his own fear that lay just beneath his happiness, the tiny voice that never failed to whisper.

_He will leave you. Like everyone else. You might be the most permanent person in the world, but no one ever cared for that. This is not forever._

Magnus sighed and pulled Jace closer, who relaxed even more under his embrace. He held him close as if this could prevent anything bad from happening. Jace was a Shadowhunter. Shadowhunters died young. Warlocks lived forever. There was a huge gap between dying young and living forever.

Jace stirred in his sleep, turning around to face Magnus. He nuzzled his face into Magnus’ nape.

“Stop thinking. I need to sleep.”

Magnus just huffed but a small smile tugged on his lips. Jace often had this effect on him. He closed his eyes, but he still couldn’t relax. His mind kept spinning and inevitably ended at a place he didn’t want to explore.

Now it was Jace’s turn to huff.

“Fine. But don’t think this will work every time. And if you still think when I’m done with you, I’m honestly offended.”

Magnus felt Jace’s smirk against his skin while he kissed his way down from his nape to his chest to his nipples. He circled them teasingly with his tongue before he started to suck in earnest, his teeth scraping lightly over the sensitive skin, just enough to remind Magnus that they were there and that he could bite.

When Jace went further down, his lips sucking and biting at naked skin, his hands squeezing and scratching over hard and trained muscles, the vicious circle in Magnus' head came to a halt. When Jace freed Magnus' already half hard cock and licked teasingly over his complete length, his eyes locked onto Magnus’ cat eyes, Magnus thoughts started to get foggy and unclear. When after what felt like an eternity of small kitten licks and tentative, teasing sucks Jace swallowed him down for real, Magnus couldn’t think altogether. All he could do was feel Jace’s hot mouth around him, the vibrations Jace’s throat gave when he hummed contently around his cock, the constriction of his throat when his cock hit the back of it, making Jace nearly gag.

***

Alec groaned in frustration. Not that he only had to deal with the mundane girl Jace had managed to find in a club – of course it had been Jace – he also had to deal with the mundane’s friend. _Simon._ Best friend, as he liked to point out, believing that they had anything in common as Alec had Jace. But Jace and him were not best friends. They were Parabatai. So much more. They had their backs. They would die for each other. Hell, sometimes they _were_ each other. All things the mundane would never understand. Yet, he refused to go, not acknowledging that the Shadow World was a dangerous place for a mundane that had no glue but too much braveness.

Alec rolled his eyes and huffed. Braveness. Stupidity was the better word. Yet, he couldn’t help but admire Simon’s fierce stand by the girl’s side. Clary. Or the little girl, as he liked to name her. 

They had picked her up in a club and to his surprise, it had not been a coincidence that she had been able to see through their glamour. She, indeed, was a Shadowhunter. An untrained, annoying, reckless bordering to suicidal Shadowhunter who felt entitled to tell everyone what to do, but still a Shadowhunter. In contrast to Simon, the _best friend_ , who was just a regular mundane, but refused to go. To leave her in unknown hands, as if he would be able to do anything about Clary getting hurt.

But Izzy had looked at him with her best “I’m your little sister” eyes and Jace had just been Jace, so he had given in and had let him stay, knowing very well that he would regret it sooner or later. Sooner as it turned out. Now, to be precise.

“What do you mean, you cannot find your friend?” Alec looked at Clary with a scrutinizing gaze.

It should have been a rather simple mission. After they hadn't had any luck with the memory demon, Magnus had told them that Seelies had their own ways to retrieve memories. It was their last hope to get Clary’s wiped memories back and find her mother and more important, the Mortal Cup – even though you could argue about priorities.

Magnus had taken them with him to a party where Seelies mingled with the rest of the Downworld and it should have been easy for them to find someone willing to talk to them, given Izzy’s natural _ability_ to make friends with them. But now the little girl had lost her little friend.

“I don’t know. He was just over there talking to that girl with something to eat in his hand…”

Alec groaned and had to muster all his self control to not snap at her. Or snap just a little.

“Eat? What part of _don’t’ touch the food”_ did you not understand?”

“He eats when he is nervous, okay? And this is all new for him.” Of course she defended her friend.

Before he really could snap back, he felt Jace’s arm around his shoulders, squeezing him. Their eyes locked and Alec couldn’t help but smile when he saw the same eye roll on his Parabatai’s face. Sometimes Jace just couldn’t hide who he had been raised with.

The moment they touched, Alec felt the tension leaving his body, at least to a great extent. They were more in sync then they had been for a while, a strange strain had been on their bond.

Partly because Alec had thought he was in love with Jace, partly because Jace had acted selfish and self-centered. He had dragged the girl into their world without thinking twice, shaking their world upside down in the process. But even before that he had acted strange, disappearing for nights, leaving the burden of leading an Institute on Alec’s shoulders. Not that Alec couldn’t handle that, he was a born leader, but he also needed Jace.

But one night after they had had an ugly fight during a mission, Jace had appeared in his room through a portal and Jace had apologized. He had seen what he had done to Alec and them and he had been sorry. And even if Alec never had thought it possible, their fight before and now the apology had brought them even closer together. It also helped a great deal that he had realized that he indeed loved Jace but not like that. When afterwards Jace had told him about Magnus, he just had felt a little jealous. And a little worried, Magnus had a reputation. Not that Jace was a saint, but Alec knew too well that his cocky attitude was just an armor towards the world to hide his inner core.

When he had met Magnus for the first time and the Warlock had flirted with him, his concern had deepened. Especially because he had seen the hurt in Jace’s eyes, not letting himself be fooled by the blank expression that Jace had been quick to put back in place. Alec had been furious, but Jace had convinced him to go and let him deal with Magnus in his own way. And apparently it had worked out. They had worked out.

Even without their bond in place, it was clear, at least for someone like Alec who knew Jace inside out, that Jace was happier. More grounded. A little more like the person he could have been if not his father had fucked him up in every way possible. Alec knew a lot about the way Jace had been raised and the damage it had done, even though he could not understand everything. His own parents were not perfect either, but not comparable. But it seemed, Magnus did.

With their bond as deep as it was, Alec could feel the change in Jace. There had always been a darkness inside Jace he had tried to keep hidden behind huge walls, even hidden to Alec. But now, the walls seemed smaller, the darkness a little lighter. Not gone, probably it would never be truly gone, but Alec knew Jace had changed a little. And though it had briefly hurt, Alec had realized that there was no reason to be jealous. Jace loved him the same he always had, as Parabatai, the closest thing possible. As close as a lover, just a little different. The fact that Magnus was a powerful Warlock also eased Alec’s mind. Magnus was capable of taking care of his reckless Parabatai. Alec smirked a little, he very well knew what Jace would say about the fact that he thought he needed someone to take care of him. But Alec had never met anyone to which this applied more than to Jace. Maybe he himself, but this thought had never crossed his mind and wouldn’t in the near future.

Alec relaxed further into Jace’s touch and he just nodded when Jace suggested that he and Magnus would try to find Simon whereas Alec should make sure that not Clary vanished as well.

As it seemed, Simon had not listened to a single word Alec had said to him before taking him to the party. He had eaten food and of course he had managed to grab Seelie food that was poisoned and turned him into a rat. He also had managed to get mistaken for a Vampire, as apparently the Vampires considered turning into rats a party game and thus thought Simon was one of them.

Alec silently thanked the Angel that they had Magnus on their side, who was not only very familiar with the two leaders of the clan in question but also too powerful to be ignored by them. So they got Simon back in one piece, unharmed, unbitten, even though he had turned from rat to human in the middle of the Vampire laire. The only thing that bugged Alec was the thoughtful expression that crossed Simon’s face when they rescued him, the gleam in his eyes when he watched the strength and speed of the Vampires surrounding them. Alec really didn’t like that expression, knowing recklessness when he saw it.

***

Alec’s gut feeling was rarely wrong and unfortunately it also wasn’t this time. A couple of days later, Raphael, the second in command of the New York Vampire clan and something like Magnus’ adopted son showed up in the loft, carrying a lifeless Simon in his arms. Jace called Alec and Alec brought Clary and Izzy. All ended up in Magnus’ loft, contemplating what to do. 

Apparently Simon had returned willingly to Hotel Dumort to get turned. He had begged for it and who could blame a Vampire for giving in to his pleading? When Raphael had shown up it had been too late, Simon had been already drained. Raphael had decided to bring him to Magnus, so that they could decide what to do next. If they wanted to bury him so he could resurface as a Vampire or if he should stay dead. Raphael’s choice was clear, he had always disliked his life as a Vampire. He would not have chosen it. But Clary’s choice was also clear. She wanted her best friend back. And given that Simon had wanted to be a Vampire, Alec supported her. This time at least. So they buried him. He became a Vampire. But of course, it was not as easy as it sounded.

***

Jace and Magnus had left the others to bury Simon, figuring that the last thing the boy needed was an audience of several nearly unfamiliar people. Raphael needed to be there as he was the one who could reason the best with the new fledgling and also overpower him if need be without harming him. He was also the one to bring the blood. Clary needed to be there because she was his best friend and to some extent responsible for this. Alec needed to be there because he felt responsible. Jace just had rolled his eyes, but had known better than to argue with his Parabatai. That Alec felt responsible for anything was just the way he was wired and probably also the reason why he was such a great leader. So when the others had left for the cemetary, Jace and Magnus had stayed behind.

Magnus summoned food from their favourite Thai place, but both men just picked at their food. Jace had to suppress a smile when he thought of Magnus’ devilish grin when he had asked if he paid for the food he summoned at the beginning of their relationship - not that Jace had cared either way.

Relationship. It still felt strange. New and raw. Jace didn’t know sometimes what was expected of him, the only stable relationship he ever had had being the one with Alec. And being Parabatai was something entirely different. They were bound to each other. For life with no way out. Jace wondered if he was bound to Magnus as well. Not in the same way, but similar. If he wanted to be bound to him. It was a scary thought, but also a pleasant one. 

Normally their joint meals were talkative, either one of them talking about their day or they just talked about random things, following their usual line of banters. But this evening, a ringing silence lay over them. Too many unspoken questions and answers lay in between them for the usual lightness - and the usual appetite. 

With a snap the food was gone and Magnus stood up, holding one hand out to Jace. With a sigh Jace took it and curled up gladly into Magnus when they settled down on the couch. Some conversations were better held snuggled up into each other with arms wrapped around the other. 

“So when do we speak about it?” Magnus pressed a light kiss to Jace’s temple, his hands finding their way in Jace’s blond hair. He loved the softness of it and the soothing effect the stroking had - on Jace and him both. 

“About me being mortal or you being immortal?” Jace didn’t pretend to not know what Magnus was talking about. The topic had made itself present the moment Simon had made the heroic and stupid choice to become a Vampire.

“Isn’t this the same?” Magnus raised his eyebrow questioningly.

“Not completely. It’s two sides of one coin, but not quite the same. Your immortality is a given, whereas my mortality is not. As we just have seen.”

Magnus was silent for a while. Jace was right of course. As much as he hated the idea of losing Jace at some point in the future to an inevitable death, as much he hated the idea of Jace giving up his humanity. And that was not even considering his bond with Alec, which definitely was a factor in their equation. 

“Isn’t it a bit early to talk about things like that? You don’t even have a key to my apartment.”

Jace just snorted. “I don’t need a key. Your wards let me in anyway.” 

Magnus smiled at that. Jace had a point. His wards had realized what Jace meant to him even before he had. 

Jace sat up to climb on Magnus' lap, facing and straddling him. He bent down to take his face into his hands before he kissed him. Hard and sweet with a deepness that took Magnus’ breath away.

“You are right. It is too early. We should be dancing in Pandemonium, we should get drunk and argue about whether we get fries or pizza as a hangover meal. We shouldn’t debate if we want to let a friend die or bring him back as a Vampire. We shouldn’t discuss how to fight a war. And yet, this is what we are doing. And sometimes I feel as if I just don’t have time. I don’t have time for normal. So no, it is not too early. It is just about the right time to see, if…”

_...if I’m worth forever._

Jace’s voice nearly broke and he looked away. Magnus grabbed his chin and turned it back to him. They locked eyes and Jace realized that he was not the only one asking himself this question. If he was worth forever. And maybe this was answer enough. They were both worth it.

They kissed and before the kiss could get too passionate and all consuming, Jace broke away.

“It’s not an easy decision,” he whispered. 

“No,” Magnus agreed. “There is Alec for one.” 

Jace couldn’t say how much it meant to him that Alec was the first thing that Magnus mentioned. Instead, he kissed Magnus again.

“There is Alec. There is the dying. There is the not walking in the sun anymore. There are many things. But I’m just so scared of dying. What it feels like to just be not there anymore.”

“Yes. I can’t imagine this either. I would never ask this of you. Never. And maybe there are other ways, Jace, than becoming a Vampire. I have never looked into it before. But I will now.”

“Really never?” Jace said teasingly and relieved to find back to a ligher mood, repeating the banter they had had the first time they had had sex and Magnus had teased him about his virginity. It was just a couple of months back, but it felt much longer.

“Really never,” Magnus hummed, picking up what Jace was referring to. But it also was true, no one before Jace had ever cared to truly get to know him and just thought of staying forever - with the exception of Camille maybe, but this was a different story. 

With a grin Magnus flipped them over so that Jace was underneath him, looking up at him under his thick lashes. With a snap of his fingers Jace’s clothes were gone and Magnus couldn’t help the satisfied smile when he saw Jace shiver lightly, still as amazed by his magic as he had been the first time. Another snap bound Jace’s hands together, another put a blindfold in place, before Magnus started to take Jace apart. Piece by piece, just as Jace craved it, just as Magnus craved it. Magnus loved the way Jace trusted him blindly, putting himself in his hands, knowing that Magnus would never let him down but put him back together, maybe even a little less broken than before.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec wondered if his eyes would sometime just roll constantly. The moment the little girl had entered their world - smashed it into pieces, better to say - he had constantly felt the need to eye roll. 

Simon’s turning had not been an easy one. Though knowing what he did, Simon hadn’t _known._ He hadn’t known what he gave up: his family, his normal mundane life in exchange for eternity with a Vampire Clan he had no ties to. He hadn’t known what it felt like to wake up in a coffin, covered with layers of dirt through which he had to claw himself out with his bare hands. He had not known how it was to crave blood so intensely that he was ready to kill for it. He had not known because he had not thought about it, he had just thought of a way to protect Clary. His best friend whom he loved as fiercely as if she was his little sister.

Though Alec couldn’t relate to acting without a well thought-through plan, he very well could relate to wanting to protect the people one loved. He would do anything for Jace and Izzy, maybe even also becoming a Vampire if this was what it took. So he understood Simon. And he felt responsible. As Clary was too busy with her own things, Alec found himself in the role of taking care of Simon, to ease him into his new role. 

What his Parabatai - and he, if he was honest - lacked in communication, Simon made up for it twice. Or thrice even. Simon talked. He talked when he was nervous, when he was happy, when he was sad. He just talked. All the time. But though his eyes sometimes hurt from the eye rolls, Alec was there, sometimes asking the right questions, sometimes having the right answers. But most importantly, he was just there. Listening. 

He remembered that Clary had mentioned that Simon was a stress eater, so he made sure to keep enough blood bottles available. In the common fridge, as he was told that warm blood only tasted well right from the source. When a Shadowhunter complaint about the blood, he just glared at him until the other left without mentioning it ever again. They had countless gatherings in the kitchen, Alec sipping coffee, Simon with a blood bottle in hand. To his own surprise Alec started to like these sessions, realizing that sometimes the mundane way of handling things wasn't so bad. 

***

In addition, they made progress in getting a step ahead of Valentine and his Circle. They had found the Mortal Cup and learned in the process that Clay was Valentine’s daughter. They were also a step closer to finding Clary’s mother, they had a lead they wanted to follow.

They also had learned that the man who had raised Jace wasn’t Michael Wayland, but Valentine himself. Though not related by blood, he was the only father Jace had ever known. Alec felt the turmoil Jace was in, the bond enhancing it. He knew the cut that went through Jace between the boy who still wanted his father’s love and approval and the man who understood in how many ways Valentine had wronged him. Alec did everything to ease that pain, by exhausting Jace with training, by listening to him, or more often, just be quiet with him. And by giving him time off to spend with Magnus. 

Over Jace’s wellbeing Alec and Magnus had become close, both acknowledging the importance of the other in Jace’s life. But with Jace away or his mind occupied with his past and his future, the pressure stayed on Alec’s shoulders. The pressure to lead their Institute into a war of unknown outcome and setting. To Alec’s surprise, it was now Simon who was there for him. He had no idea how to run an Institute or plan a war, but it was nice to be distracted with random facts about random things Alec had never known he wanted to know. 

***

The lead to find Clary’s mother was a trap. They were surrounded by Circle members and demons - and clearly outnumbered. But Jace was not afraid. He stood back to back with his Parabatai, Magnus completing them as if they always had meant to be a triangle. Jace loved to fight. His body had been trained to be a weapon since he had been a kid and by now his body was the deadliest weapon he could think of. Alec had completed him. At the beginning Jace had been reluctant to fight with other people. Trusting others to have his back, trust others with his life - it had not been easy at first. But Alec had managed to rock his world also in battle. When Alec yelled duck, Jace didn’t need to verify it. He just ducked. 

And now Magnus. It was a nearly indescribable feeling to fight alongside him. They had never fought with warlocks before. But to everyone’s surprise, Magnus just fit like a piece of a jigsaw that had been missing all along. The moment they had realized the trap, Alec’s and Jace’s bodies and minds had switched to battle mode. Their hearts had synched to the same steady but fast beat, their minds entwined to think along the same lines. Jace knew where he ended and Alec began, but in battle the lines were blurry. He could feel Alec’s every move even before the other actually moved. 

Jace loved the intimacy he shared in a fight with Alec. For a long time it had been the only one Jace thought worthy of having, thought possible of having. That had changed but nevertheless, fighting alongside Alec still was special. He loved the way his runes lit up, amplified by their bond, a power running through his body that felt a little out of this world. 

Their breaths had picked up speed while a never ending stream of enemies ran towards them. Alec shot one arrow after the other to take them out even before they could approach, Jace taking care of the ones who escaped Alec. Magnus just seemed to be everywhere. His magic surrounded Jace, boosting him a little from time to time when the demon in front of him was too strong even for him. Fireballs crashed into demons alongside Alec’s arrows, killing demons that were nearly impossible to kill. Magnus’s magic covered the two Shadowhunters like a blanket, moving with them, never against them. 

Jace trusted Magnus blindly, like he had trusted only Alec before. He was not once afraid that his magic would hurt him, he knew the magic was channeled around him. It nearly felt like Magnus’ magic protected him on its own account. This certainty bled through the bond and just as Jace didn’t question Alec in battle, Alec didn’t question Jace. So he moved with the same ease around the sparks and the fireballs, trusting that they were safe in the walls of magic. 

“Jace.”

Jace didn’t need to be told in which direction to look. He felt where Alec was looking at. Both drew in a breath. In the corner of the room was the reason for the never ending stream of demons. A greater demon was commanding the others, holding a riff open to one of the many hell dimensions. 

Jace gripped his blade tighter and nodded. They needed to kill the greater demon. He needed to kill it. Magnus’ expression was grim but he nodded as well, channeling his magic so that Jace would have a relatively free way to the demon. Alec covered Jace from the right, Magnus from the left side. 

Jace urged forward, his seraph blade gleaming bluish in the dim light. It sliced through the minor demons that dared to escape Magnus’ and Alec’s wrath like butter. His body worked like a machine, without having to think his body twisted to avoid a claw here, jumped to avoid a tail there. Jace heard the drumming of his blood in his ears, but he was still calm. He had Alec, he had Magnus. They would win this fight. 

The greater demon snarled at him when he came close. It shrieked in agony when a fireball hit it right in the chest and Jace used the opportunity to jump high in the air, his body glowing with the force of his runes. He brought his blade down, but he had the wrong angle. Instead of soft flesh, he hit the armor of the demon. The demon made a hissing noise while he turned his massive body. Jace tried to roll out of the way, but couldn't avoid the tail fully. Briefly his world went dark and he couldn’t breathe when his body was slammed into the wall. He shook his head to regain full consciousness and hissed in frustration. At least he hadn’t lost his blade. 

One glance at the two others showed him he had to hurry up. Alec had discarded his bow and was fighting now with two blades at the same time to protect himself and Magnus. For a moment, the fact that Jace couldn’t breathe had nothing to do with his body colliding with the wall. 

His focus switched back to the greater demon. The armor of it was heavier than he had thought, he was afraid that even with the second strike he wouldn’t be able to pierce the heart of it. His eyes darted upwards. The head it was then. But the demon was huge. Maybe even too huge for his additional powers, given to him by his unique blood and his unique bond to Alec. But he had to try. With a scream he ran towards the demon, jumping high in the air. His runes burnt with exhaustion and he hissed at the pain before he gasped when he felt Magnus’ magic curl around him to lift him just the crucial bit higher to be able to sever the demon’s head neatly. With a last shriek the demon vanished and with him the riff to the other world.

Jace landed on his feet, a grin on his face. Even if the battle was not yet fully over, he knew they had won. Just when he was about to rejoin Magnus and Alec, he froze. 

The clapping of hands rang through the room, a sound that was so out of place that it startled all of them.

“Jonathan. It’s nice to see that you at least remember some of my lessons.”

If Jace hadn’t been already frozen, he would have now. The voice that cut like a knife through the faint battle noise belonged to his father. Michael Wayland. Valentine Morgenstern. 

With a smirk Valentine stepped in the middle of the room. His motions were fluid, casual, as if he was not stepping into a fight of life and death. What enraged Jace probably the most was that he was not even carrying weapons. He just stepped into the thick of things, trusting that all would stop to listen to him. And the annoying thing was, everyone did. Jace’s hand clenched around the hilt of his blade, but he stood rooted to the spot, different emotions flickering over his face.

He saw the father who had raised him, the father who had given him weapons as presents and a bath full of spaghetti for his birthday, he saw the father who snapped his falcon's neck for loving too much. He saw the blood gathering at his feet the day he had faked his death. He saw the man who wanted to wipe out the Downworld, but it was hard to bring those pictures together as one. Just when he had managed to force his body into action, he froze all over again.

Two men stepped up, dragging Clary with them, a dagger held to her throat. At this sight also Alec and Magnus stopped in their tracks. All eyes were on Valentine and the gleam in his eyes showed how much he enjoyed it. 

“A nearly complete family reunion. Isn’t that nice. Clarissa, Jonathan.” 

Jace pressed his lips into a thin line. He wouldn’t give his father the satisfaction of a reaction.

“But truth be told, I am only interested in one of my children. Sorry Clarissa, but your mother raised you to be weak. I have no use for you. But for you Jonathan. You can still prove that you are worth belonging to me. Come with me now willingly. Else I will have to take Carissa. But I fear she won’t appreciate my educational methods so much, given that she is just a fragile mundane.”

Jace gritted his teeth. Clary wouldn’t survive a day in Valentine’s _care_. And as little as he wanted to be in this care for another day, he knew he had no option. He could never live with himself if he let her suffer in his place. He put the blade down and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“Let her go and I’ll come with you.”

Jace heard the silent screams from his lover and his Parabatai. He looked at them briefly but had to look away. He couldn’t lock eyes with any of them. Not if he didn’t know if he saw those eyes ever again.

Valentine just laughed, having expected exactly this outcome. A portal appeared and Jace stepped towards it, his body straight and his steps steady, embodying the fearless warrior he had been raised to be. He stepped through the portal, Valentine’s hand in a firm grip on his shoulder. Even though he had to swallow hard, he didn’t look back. He just couldn’t. 


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone was busy. Clary tried to create a new rune with her special angelique powers that would help find Jace. Izzy was running errands and talked to every Downworlder she knew to get a lead - any lead - where Valentine was hiding. Magnus’ eyes hadn’t turned back to his human form once since the moment Jace had vanished through the portal. He was looking for a way to combine his tracking powers with Alec’s.

To their surprise and horror neither of them had been able to locate Jace. Alec could barely feel him through their bond, a fact that worried them both endlessly. They knew Jace had to be somewhere on a boat, surrounded by water. But the oceans were wide, they needed more than that. Alec looked through days of footage material to get a glimpse on Valentine or his men to find a hint where they could be hiding. All were busy, except Simon, who didn’t know how to contribute to the search. But Simon stayed nevertheless, not leaving the Institute once.

Alec rubbed tiredly at his temples. His vision had already become blurry, he was running on his third stamina rune. He needed to find Jace. Sleep had to wait.

“Here.”

Alec looked up, startled by the soft voice. Simon was standing in front of him, holding a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

“You look tired. I thought you could need this. And that.”

He placed a plate with a delicious smelling dish Alec had never seen before in front of him. To his surprise he felt how hungry he was.

He took the cup, blowing on the hot liquid before taking a tentative sip. The coffee was strong, black with just the right amount of sugar. One and a half spoon if he had to guess. Just the way he liked it.

“You know how I take my coffee.”

“Of course I do. You drank enough coffee while I complained about being a Vampire, sipping my blood.” Simon sounded just a little hurt. But Alec noted the tone and to his surprise, something stirred in him at that.

“What is that? It smells amazing.”

Simon stepped from one foot to the other.  
“Er, it’s nothing much. Something my mother made for me when I was upset. You know, comfort food.”

Infact, Alec didn’t know. His parents had never bothered with something so… mundane. He took the fork and dug in.

“It’s called kugel and it’s Jewish. You know, I’m Jewish. I was Jewish. Is someone still Jewish when he dies? Well. Whatever. It’s a sweet noodle casserole with apples and cinnamon and it’s nothing really…”

Alec just rolled his eyes.

“Oh shut up Simon. It’s amazing. Thank you, really.”

They locked eyes briefly and Alec noticed the way Simon beamed at him at the praise. He looked away before a treacherous blush could color his cheeks.

“I found something,” a tired but excited voice was interrupting them.

Both hadn’t noticed the portal that had appeared right behind them, Magnus stepping through it. His usually flawless appearance was ruffled, but his eyes were gleaming - still in his cat’s form.

Alec’s attention snapped immediately to the warlock.

“I found a way to combine our powers, Alec. But you have to trust me here. I found a spell that allows me to enter your mind and soul to find Jace in you and with my magic I should then be able to track him.”

“What do I have to do?” There was no hint of hesitation in Alec’s voice. Jace trusted Magnus. Therefore so did he.

They entwined their hands together just as Parabatai did for tracking and Magnus murmured words in a foreign language. Alec felt a strong pull and though his first instinct was to fight it, he let himself be drawn in, giving in to the pull. He felt warm magic entering his body but once used to it, it was like fighting alongside Magnus. It was clear that the magic was not threatening him but working with him. To find Jace. They both gasped when the image of Jace’s prison surfaced. A boat, as they had predicted. But now they also knew where the boat was.

***

They were a small group but armed to their teeth. Clary, Izzy, Simon and a handful other Shadowhunters from the Institute. And of course Magnus and Alec. Magnus created the portal that would bring them onto the boat.  
The boat was protected with heavy wards, but to their advantage the warlock who had cast the wards had been an apprentice of Magnus. It took Magnus a lot energy but in the end he was able to breach them.

Magnus was on full attack mode anyway, the prince of hell he could be was shining through every move. It was a harsh contrast to the loving and caring person he was when being with Jace, where the tenderness and love was visible in every gesture and word. Alec knew Magnus would do everything to get Jace back, just as he was. No matter the consequences, no matter the costs. And the Circle and Valentine would burn for it.

Alec was the first to step through the portal, followed by Magnus and the others. Alec had his bow ready and the first arrow found its target the moment his feet connected with solid ground. The Circle member went down without making a sound, the arrow stuck in his chest.

Before Alec could move forward, an excruciating pain stopped him. He screamed and doubled over, the bow shattering unnoticed to the ground. His hand clutched his hip. Blood was running down his side in an endless stream and he screamed like he had never screamed before, his voice breaking but he just couldn’t stop screaming. Magnus caught him and they locked eyes and Alec saw the pain reflected in Magnus’. He saw his silent screams that were not less intense and pained than his loud, open ones. He saw that Magnus knew that Jace had just died.

Magnus swirled around and all Alec could see was a blur of magic. Magnus’ usually blue magic had turned yellow and without mercy, not for his own drained body, not for the enemy, he blasted everything out of his way.

The first fires started to take root and the air was filled with smoke, screams and death. Alec tried to push himself up, he needed to help the others. He needed to avenge Jace. But the pain was too much, the rune still bleeding - until suddenly, it stopped.

A gurgling sound left his throat when out of a sudden the pain was gone and was replaced by a steady humming. The humming of their bond. Jace. He was alive. Alec had no idea how this was possible, but he also didn’t care. Jace was alive, that was all that counted.

“Magnus.”

Magnus turned around and their eyes locked, transferring the message. Alec smiled when he saw his eyes widen. Without having to talk, they both darted forward, following the call of their bond to the cell Jace was held captive. The cell where he had died and come to life again.

***

Jace lay curled up between Magnus and Alec, a blanket wrapped around him protectively. He was deep at sleep, though the sun had already started to rise. But the ordeal on Valentine’s ship, the dying, the returning, had put a strain on him.

Alec touched his rune, feeling the reassuring humming in it, while his other hand was entwined with Jace’s. It was too soon to let go. They both needed the physical closeness of the other. Alec was tired to the bones as well, but he just couldn’t sleep, his mind still too occupied with what had happened, with what he had felt.

Before he had fallen asleep, Jace had told them that Valentine had killed him in an attempt to activate the Mortal Instruments. Valentine had told Jace that his special powers were not of angelique origin, but of demon origin - that he had full demon blood in his veins. With this blood Valentine hoped to reprogram the Mortal Cup that he had stolen from the Institute without anyone noticing, as they had a traitor amongst their own.

But something had gone wrong. After Jace had died he had come to a strange place between the worlds, where a horrible creature had appeared. It had had wings, just as an angel, but the rest of it had been anything but angelique. It had had claws instead of hands, several wings, not just two, had come out of his back. Wings that were as sharp and deadly as any other weapon. His head had looked like a living skull, but with sharp, vampire like teeth. It had looked like a demon and yet, it had not felt like a demon. It had felt like an angel. Jace was not sure what he had seen, if it even had been real at all. But suddenly he had been back in his body in his cell and Magnus and Alec had bursted through the door.

Alec looked at Magnus who looked as strained as he felt. One arm he had lain protectively over Jace, the other combed through his hair in gentle, soothing moves. Jace lay with his back to him, snuggled up like he never wanted to part again. And the way Magnus held him made it clear that this was what Magnus wanted as well.

“How do you do it?”

“What?” Magnus looked up, startled by Alec’s voice.

“Live while your loved ones die.” Alec wasn’t sure if and how he would have carried on if Jace had stayed dead. And given Magnus’ age, there must have been several occasions where Magnus just had done that. Watch a loved one die and carry on.

Magnus just shrugged, a sad smile on his face while he pressed a light kiss to Jace’s temple.

“You just do. You live on until you can’t anymore. And then you close yourself off to the world, you build walls around your heart so that no one can enter and break it again. And then someone just crashes into your walls and brings them down, just to break you all over again.”

“You know he would never do this on purpose.”

Magnus just hummed, a tiredness about him that was not only tied back to the huge amount of magic he had used. His grip tightened visibly around Jace and he pulled him even closer, though Alec had not thought that would be possible. They sat a while in silence before Alec realized that Magnus had fallen asleep as well, the day and the night finally taking its toll.

But Alec still couldn’t sleep. Carefully he loosened Jace’s grip on his hand to not wake him up. Jace stirred a little, but when Alec shushed him, he went back to sleep, tugged in safely in Magnus’ arms.  
Alec went to the kitchen, where a lonely figure leaned against the counter.

“You are still there.”

Alec whispered surprised. Surprised that the other hadn’t left with the rest of their group. Surprised how relieved he felt at his sight.

“Yeah, well, it felt wrong to leave you. I thought maybe Jace needed someone to talk about what it feels like to die. You know, I died too not so long ago… and well. Eh. I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to as well.”

Alec stepped a little closer to Simon, a small smile tugging on his lips. Simon always had so many words to say.

“We were not very supportive when you died, weren’t we.”

“That’s not true. You were. Maybe not the others. But you.”

Simon smiled at Alec, his voice slightly trembling, while Alec stepped just another step closer. They nearly touched now, their faces just inches apart.

“You’re trembling, Simon.” Alec looked at him with a scrutinizing gaze. “And you are paler.”

“I’m a Vampire. I’m always pale.”

Alec just rolled his eyes. “Not like that. Simon, when have you last eaten? And don’t come with I’m a Vampire, I never eat. You very well know what I mean.”

Simon closed his mouth again, but couldn’t help the smile.

“It’s okay. Really, I’m fine. I’ll survive. You know, I’m kind of trapped here now, it’s already morning, so I can’t leave. But I can manage till the evening. No problem.”

“I could bring you blood.”

“But you don’t want to leave Jace. And that’s cool. I’m fine. No worries.”

It was true. Being in the kitchen while Jace was in the living room on the couch was the farthest Alec wanted to be. Could be. And Magnus was too drained to summon blood. He bit his lip but stopped before he could draw blood.

“Well, you could drink from the source.” Alec blushed lightly while whispering it, his voice barely audible.

“Uh, no. That would be, uh, awkward. I can’t ask that from you. It’s kind of intimate, you know.”

“Well, you’re not asking. And I’m offering. And why don’t you kiss me then first and then drink? Then we have the too intimate part out of the way.”

Alec’s blush even deepened and his voice was still low, even trembling a little. But if this day had shown him anything, then that there was no point in wasting time. Not when death was just a heartbeat away.

Simon’s hands shook even harder now while he closed the small gap between them. Alec clasped his hand around them to stop them from shaking. Their heads moved at the same time and their lips bumped into each other, teeth rubbing slightly against teeth. Alec had to suppress a giggle, but he felt Simon laugh as well. But then Simon opened his lips slightly and Alec let his tongue slip in and all of a sudden he didn’t feel like laughing anymore. He just felt like kissing.

Kissing Simon was nothing like he had ever imagined his first kiss to be. It was sweeter than he ever could have imagined, it was colder as Simon was a Vampire, it was hotter because it was Simon who had stolen his heart nearly silently. He felt Simon’s tongue playing with his and he just pulled him closer, never wanting the kiss to end. When his lungs screamed for air he drew away, his eyes blown wide. He let his head roll to the side, exposing his neck vein to Simon.

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to, you know.”

“Why don’t you just shut up and drink?” Alec said fondly, grabbing Simon by his belt loops and drawing him closer.

With a hiss Simon’s fangs popped out and he buried them deep in Alec’s neck. Alec moaned at the sensation. The sharp pain followed by powerful raw emotions full of sheer lust was an overwhelming sensation. With each sucking the pain increased a little, but also the pleasure.

Alec grabbed Simon by his hair, holding him close and in place. Simon moaned in response, sucking lightly on his neck before his gulps got even more powerful, drawing another groan out of Alec. Alec felt his cock twitch and get harder with every swallow. He probably would have been embarrassed by his shameless moaning, but he felt Simon’s hard cock pressing against his own and when his hand found Simon’s ass and he started to grind against him, all embarrassment was gone. It just felt right. The slight pain felt right, the sucking, the grinding and foremost, Simon in his arms felt right.

***

Jace woke slowly, still wrapped in a blanket and Magnus. His head jolted up when he realized what was missing. Alec.

“Shh. It’s okay. He’s here.”

Magnus soothingly stroked his hair again, knowing what Jace was looking for. He gestured towards the other couch, where Alec lay wrapped around Simon, who both seemed to be deeply at sleep.

“Uh. When did this happen?” But Jace smiled at the sight. The two looked good together and Alec’s face was relaxed, far more relaxed than he had seen it in a while.

Magnus just shrugged. “It seemed they thought it’s better to seize the day. Before anything bad can happen. Like one of them dying.”

He said it in a light tone, but Jace could tell it was anything but. Jace turned around to watch Magnus, his hand brushing over his cheeks and his lips before he leaned in to kiss him tenderly. Apologetically.

“I’m sorry Magnus.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry nevertheless. I know this is your greatest fear. That I leave like the others.”

Magnus just hummed, but Jace would take none of that. He pulled him closer before he kissed him again with all his heart and his soul.

“I cannot believe you died.” Magnus whispered, his voice shaking. “I just…”

“I know. I know.” Jace whispered back, his voice strained with unshed tears. “I am so sorry I left you. That you had to go through it again, Magnus. You deserve so much better. I cannot believe he really killed me, Magnus. He was my father. Blood or no blood, he was my father. And he just killed me. I’m just not worth it, am I?”

Now it was Magnus who pulled him closer. “Sh, none of that darling. You are worth everything. And I don’t want better. I just want you. Alive and in my arms. Just you. Valentine has no right to call you a son. He always was afraid of the power love can hold. That’s why he didn’t love you the way he should have, but this has nothing to do with you. Just with him. He has no right to claim to be your father.”

“Just as yours.”

Silent tears were running down their faces while they held each other, both knowing that the other was right, both hurting nevertheless. Magnus still couldn’t believe Jace was really back, the despair he had felt when he had seen Jace’s dying reflected in Alec’s eyes forever ingrained in his brain. And forever really was forever. Magnus was not sure if he could live through this again. But he also was not sure what choice he had. Jace had stopped him from falling and he didn’t want to fall again, never again in his life.

“Will you be okay?”

Jace’s voice was soft as was the hand that brushed Magnus’ tears away. Behind his cocky facade Jace had always been perceptive.

“It’s okay if you can’t do this. Me. Us.”

With not so gentle hands Magnus grabbed Jace’s face to turn it towards him. Jace’s mismatched eyes were still wet, his cheeks wet with trails of tears. Tears for himself, tears for Magnus.

“I cannot not do us, Jace. I cannot and I don’t want to.”

The kiss that followed was sweet and salty, raw and tender, pained and comforting.

Maybe they both would be ok. They had each other. As much as Jace wanted to get lost now in the kiss, the embrace and Magnus, there was something Jace needed to tell him. He just couldn’t ignore or lie about it.

“There is something else, Magnus. I heard Valentine talk about the Soul Sword. I know Valentine was not killed during the attack of the ship because he portaled away last minute. And I know that he has the Soul Sword. And he wants to use it to kill all Downworlders. He could kill you with it, Magnus.” His voice was trembling while he bit down hard on his lip to not cry again.

“He won’t. We won’t let it happen. He got away this time, but not a second. I’m the prince of hell, Jace. And I can act like one.”

“There is more. He mentioned that I could destroy the sword by touching it. Due to my special demon blood.”

“And you would die in the process.”

“Yes. But I’m prepared to die for you, Magnus. If it keeps you safe, I would die for you.”

Magnus grabbed Jace’s chin with a firm grip, tilting his head so that he had to look straight at him.

“I don’t need you to die for me, Jace. I need you to live for me. No reckless, self-sacrificing actions or decisions. You’re my life. I need you to live. Just as I asked you to stay Jace, I ask you now to live.”  
Jace swallowed.

“I will,” he whispered, just as he had whispered that he would stay when Magnus had asked him to - not knowing how many lives he would save with this promise, as of course Valentine had lied to him about the sword. Jace wouldn’t have destroyed it by touching it, but activated it.

“I will,” he repeated firmly before he leaned in to kiss Magnus again.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved, especially because this is the first time I wrote Alec/Simon I'd love to know what you think 💙


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